


The Blood Gulch Rap: Rick Simmons

by Anonymous



Series: The Blood Gulch Rap [3]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Bad rapping, I refuse to call him Dick, Swearing/Cursing/Graphic Language, bad rhyming, like really bad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-12
Updated: 2014-06-12
Packaged: 2018-02-04 10:32:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1775914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A teeny, tiny little rap from our favorite anal-retentive NERD in Maroon armor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Blood Gulch Rap: Rick Simmons

**Author's Note:**

> Ah, jeez, here we go again. I'm literally writing this as I go, not even writing in a Word document and then pasting. I'm WRITING it ON THE FLY in the "Work Text" box.

**The Blood Gulch Rap**

_Featuring Pvt. Rick Simmons  
_

 

(Please don't make the joke but)

My name is Richard Simmons

I clean my room, I clean my base,

I clean my weapons, and even my linens

 

My best friend is Dexter Grif

(I don't even know why, 'cos he always starts a tiff)

He's a slob, he drinks too much

And I even caught him smoking kif!

 

My CO is Sergeant... Sarge

(He's not all that great but he's in charge)

He does his best and in the end

Things tend to work out, by and large

 

I suppose I should talk about myself:

Despite Grif's efforts, I'm in perfect health

I don't drink and I don't smoke

I keep things neat and clean and don't drink Coke

 

Honestly, I love my team to death

But I'm worried Grif's doing meth

Sarge is crazy with his schemes

And, when he talks, Donut never takes a breath

 

So, you see, I may be a nerd

I've never gotten a medal for anything (higher than third)

But I'm fine with who I am, and love my team

Even though they're all flightier than a bird

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so, I kinda went a different way with the formatting on this one: every new stanza is a different verse (instead of intro, chorus, verse, chorus, verse, chorus). I thought it would be better and, quite honestly, I just kept writing because I see Simmons doing this as less of a way to brag about himself so much as a way to just talk about how he feels and shit.


End file.
